I wrote yesterday about the ways we can and cannot compare divorce and open adoption. I still maintain that the relationships between adults is an apples and oranges comparison. I still maintain that children aren't given the same choices in open adoption that they are in a divorced family as well. But, a commenter brought up the following scenario and, well, it broadened my opinion just a little bit.

Julia... more

I was happy to see a news story out of Canada. Seems that some adoptees are going to be allowed to access their original birth records and, as such, find out the identities of their birth parents. I was really gearing to jump up and down as I started reading.

Ontario's new law will help adoptees find out what their original names were, as well as who their birth parents were. It could also help birth parents learn the name their child was given after he or she was... more

A thread was started on the forums this past week asking if the relationship between adoptive and birth parents in an open adoption was comparative to that of ex-spouses in a divorce. Nothing like trying to compare two emotionally charged familial subjects! My initial reply was that the two subjects are apples and oranges. I explained it well in one of my replies so I'll just go ahead and quote myself. (Does that make me seem like I have... more

Wow. Let me tell you something. Writing about both Birthmother's and Mother's Day last week left me drained. The constant focus on two emotionally charged subjects left me with absolutely nothing to say until today. And really, all I have to say today is that I survived the hullabaloo.

To be honest, I'm always in kind of a hungover stupor in the aftermath of Mother's Day weekend. While I had a nice time with my Husband and boys, my emotions were on overdrive. I was on edge, which my Husband noticed but respected. I snapped a few times when I wish I could... more

I hope all of my friends and readers are having a beautiful Mother's Day. The weather here isn't conducive to any time spent to time in my flower garden which would have been rather therapeutic. Instead, we're enjoying some time indoors with books, Wii and, get this, I'm even going to take a nap today.

I thought that my forced ambivalence regarding the day would make for an easier day. I went to bed last night with the feeling that today was just another day, that it didn't mean all that much and that I would be okay when I woke up. Apparently I'm naive... more

For birth mothers who know what today is, being Birthmother's Day, it's sure to cross the mind of supporters and non-supporters alike. Whether a passing thought or an active participant in birth mother activities today, our thoughts are likely on various issues in adoption. However, I'm presenting some food for thought today.

No matter how you feel about today, no matter how the thought of a separate and decidedly unequal day makes you feel, spend some time in thought about your relinquished child. (Or, if you're in reunion or an open adoption, spend some... more

While I gave some ideas of things to do this coming Mother's Day weekend, I think everyone can agree that there are certain things you may also want to avoid in the name of sanity's sake. Of course, those things will differ from mother to mother as our experiences are all different and, as such, so are our triggers. With that said, I encourage you to identify your own triggers and assess your current place in your healing journey in order to better know what is and is not a good idea... more

Whether you are celebrating Birthmother's Day, Mother's Day or both, it's likely to be a weekend with some mixed emotions. While you may have to run here and there to celebrate with your own parents, your own children or a group of friends or other birth mothers, the important thing to remember is to do something to take care of yourself.

Here's a list of things that you can do this weekend.

1. If you're attending a religious ceremony this weekend, stand up when they ask the mothers in attendance to stand. Ignore the eyes on you, especially if you... more

Yesterday I shared a little bit about Birthmother's Day. (Visit that post for the brief history of the day.) I also talked about the pros of the day. Two commenters shared their reasons for choosing, at various points in their healing process, to celebrate on that particular day. They had some great perspective for first mothers who are trying to make a decision on which day feels right.

Today,... more

I should probably start off this post by admitting that I'm not a fan of the concept of Birthmother's Day. But I'll save my disgruntled nature for tomorrow's post on the "cons" and save today for the positives that do exist in the day's existence.

First, some background. Birthmother's Day is celebrated the immediate Saturday before Mother's Day (meaning, the day before, not a week and a day before). Yes, that means that it is this coming Saturday. It was originally created in 1990 by a group of birth mothers in Seattle. It started as a day to celebrate... more