Birth-First Parent

Similar to my discussion yesterday about adoption blogs, I'm wondering if other birth parents read books about adoption. For awhile, I specifically sought out books that were about the subject. Fictional and non-fiction, I read them all. I read how-to books on birth parent grief and the essence of birth parenting. I read fictional accounts about mothers who chose adoption and either loved it or hated it. I read histories of mothers who had come before me on this adoption journey. I read and I read and I read and I read. And then I never wanted to read another book about adoption ever again. At that point in time, I just started reading my everyday books. Do you know what… [more]

Do you read adoption blogs? Not just this blog, obviously, but other blogs that contain adoption content. As a birth parent, do you find it difficult? I do. At times, I feel overwhelmed with the amount of information about adoption that is available on the blogosphere. Sometimes I avoid my RSS reader because I don't want to think any more about adoption for the day. Yet, I always come back to the adoption blogs. I've learned a lot over the years from others' experiences that they are willing to share with the world via their blogs. I've grown in my own journey, learned things about myself and others in the triad and, really, "met" a lot of people who have helped shape… [more]

While the movie I just recently watched was about teen girls experiencing planned (but young) pregnancies, the book Not My Daughter is about the mothers of those girls. Some might argue that they're the same thing and that you only need one or the other. I disagree. And, as a birth mother, I'm quite glad I decided to read Barbara Delinsky's newest novel. In fact, I read it less than 24 hours. It was that good. None of the teen mothers who purposefully chose to get pregnant in this book went on to place their babies for adoption. Adoption itself was mentioned as early as page 28 in the book but the main theme in the book wasn't an abortion, adoption or parenting debate. Interestingly, as I said… [more]

I'd move mountains for my children, any of them. I would give my life for my children, any of them. These statements include the Munchkin, the daughter I placed for adoption, as well as my two parented sons. While I may not be actively parenting my firstborn, I feel the same way about her well-being as I do about that of the children living under my roof. That's why an article out of York, PA hits me close to my heart. An adoptee needs a bone marrow transplant (or, rather, stem cells). She has aplastic anemia. The transplant could cure her. Without it, she could die. If you know anything about bone marrow or stem cells, the donor and the recipient have… [more]

As 2009 draws to a close, I'm left to think what it has been like for me as a birth parent. I've learned more about myself this year with regard to my birth parenting than in any other previous year. I've heard similar things from other birth parents. 2009 was a year of growth and inner change for so many of us. I hope 2010 is the same. It's scary, sometimes, starting a new year. As a birth parent, my mind starts to wonder what could happen this year. I know that when I experienced my first New Year's Eve and Day as a birth parent, I had no possible way of guessing what the future would bring. In fact, at… [more]

So you've followed my advice. You're making an Internet footprint. You're posting on forums while maintaining your own website. You own your information and you can change, remove or add any of it at any given time. You're feeling good about how available you are making your information, on your own terms, and feel as though you are making it easier for yourself to be found by your relinquished child. And predators! It simply stinks that we even have to discuss this but we do. By putting your information, any of it, on the web, you are making yourself an easier target for online predators. That said, any of us who post anything on the web and interact with others are potential… [more]

I've discussed how important it is for birth parents to have an Internet footprint. If you're interested in search and reunion, it would definitely behoove you to be easily found via a simple Google search. Anyone with even basic knowledge of the Internet should understand how that could be of great benefit. However, there are some things that you likely don't know about your Internet presence. It is important for you to own your information online. What does that mean? It's simple and complicated at the same time. When birth parents or adoptees are first searching, they often join every last forum, list serv and Yahoo! group to share their story and personal information. They post information like their birth date, their… [more]

I was discussing the topic of search, reunion and technology with another birth parent who also happens to be an adoptee. We discussed the likes of the show Find My Family and the implications of how difficult it is for the average, everyday, non-private-investigator to search for family members. As we talked, the discussion came up that one of her family members simply didn't "exist" online. That boggles my mind. I know it happens. I've tried to locate a few people from my yesteryears only to find that they simply do not have any available Internet footprint. Perhaps they're using pseudonyms. Perhaps they live in the areas of our country that still don't have easy access to the Internet. Maybe they can't afford it… [more]

I must admit that reading the Primal Wound was difficult for me as a birth parent. Especially as I am the everyday mother of two other children, the ability to compare and contrast the situations was sometimes overwhelming. There were parts of the book that left me feeling rather helpless. Nothing can be done about the decisions made in the past and nothing Verrier wrote gives birth parents (and adoptive parents) living in open adoption an inkling of what should be done. (Which, mind you, is not her fault. Different generation, different current scenarios but still some of the very same issues at hand.) But that doesn't mean I'm not glad that I read it. I am. I have been procrastinating the actual… [more]

I've written about Post Secret in the past. In fact, adoption issues seem to be a recurring theme on the site. Then again, lots of different people have written many different secrets over the years. I'm just sensitive to the adoption related ones; they stick out in my mind long after they have been published on the site or in the author's books. Today's edition of Sunday secrets put the adoption one right at the tippy-top of the list. And, man, was it a doozy. A beautiful doozy but a doozy all the same. It read: I want my child's birth mother to know he is happy, healthy & loved. But we don't know who she is. I promise… [more]